Bakura Mystery
by Baa-chan
Summary: A parody of Martin Mystery where Yugioh characters take their places.


Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh, Martin Mystery, or Pepto Bismal or claim to in any way. Even though I wish I owned Yu-gi-oh...

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"Yeah so like Shizuka was talking and Honda hit on Shizuka and Otogi walked in and Honda was all like stupid and they fought. Omg Shizuka is the kewlllll," ranted Anzu

"Shut up," said Bakura.

"Lyk omg," said Anzu.

"…ug," said the very short and non-caveman like Yuugi. All of a sudden, Bakura's watch thingy started beeping.

"Wtf, what do we do now?" asked Bakura. All of a sudden, Yuugi opened some random person's locker and they were sucked into a portal.

"WHAT THE HELL? WHO TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS? No, don't tell me….I'M BLIND, OH GOD NOOOO," cried Anzu. Bakura and Yuugi stared at her thinking "wtf" because she had a pair of gym shorts over her eyes, obviously from the locker.

"YO SON," said Jono who flew in on his mini UFO which he was obviously to old and to big for.

"Bakura Mystery," started the computer, "Anzu whatshername, and Yuugi the the very short caveman."

"NOW TIME TO SCAN YOUR HANDS! Teeeheeee!" exclaimed Jono who was obviously sugar high.

"Why?" asked Bakura, "Maybe I don't FEEL like scanning my hand, ever think of that, hmmmmm?"

"Chill out, it's all good, buddy," said Jono.

"WTF, I HATE YOU," shouted Bakura as he kicked Jono's little UFO thing to China.

"Crap, now I have nothing to fly in," said Jono. Well, continuing, the convererbelt started moving and they passed by those weird people on the computers.

"OMG DO YOU HAVE THE MP3 OF HELLO SMILE ON ONE OF THOSE THINGER MAJIGERS?" asked Anzu who was obviously excited. The alien dude stared at Anzu and did a spiral double axel kick on her with a cherry on top.

"Oh okay," said Anzu as she walked back on the track.

"Okay, Mom's a little angry today so don't mind her," said Jono trying to sound smart.

"What the crap?" mumbled Bakura to himself. Meanwhile, Yuugi was daydreaming of him being back in prehistoric times with his little pet rainbow monkey that still hadn't been effected by evolution.

Getting back to the story, the track stopped in front of two doors that opened and there stood……SETO KAIBA WEARING A DRESS AND BAKING COOKIES.

"AHHHHH MY EYYESSS!" screamed Bakura who was now rolling on the floor, doubled over with pain, "MY VIRGINNN EYEEESSSS!"

"You're a virgin?" asked Anzu.

"I DON'T KNOW!" yelled Bakura.

"You don't know if you're a virgin!" gasped Kaiba. Bakura tried to look and Kaiba again, but ended up going temporarily blind. It was a mystery why Anzu or Jono wasn't effected. They must be too stupid to realize.

"Well anyway," started Kaiba, "There have been some recent disappearances of people in Greece. Go there and find out why."

"Why can't you send someone else?" asked Bakura who was blind and trying to find his away around the small room, "I mean we're only teenagers, plus we're still in school, and why the hell did you choose us? I mean really, you have like a bugillion people here already you could ask. And what about our education, hmmm? And where do you get all this money for this equipment? And where do these supernatural things come from?" Wow, Bakura had a five second brainstorm!

"HE'S FOUND OUT TOO MUCH!" exclaimed Jono who walked over to Bakura and sprayed pepper spray in his already burning, dead eyes.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Bakura.

"Awesome," said Anzu.

")(FJSHGIWGTPHGWIOHGH," said Yuugi.

"Yeah well, just go," said Kaiba as he opened up a portal to Greece and pushed them through.

They ended up landing in…dog poop. Yes, I'm VERY original.

"Hey cool! Someone left some tootsie rolls on the side walk," said Anzu.

"..Something smells.." said Bakura who couldn't see the dog poop since he was temporarily blind.

"Ug," said Yuugi as he pointed to the poop.

"Anyways, let's go where the scene of the crime was!" exclaimed Anzu who felt like trying to be smart like Jono.

"WHICH IS WHERE?" asked Bakura.

"Over there!" shouted Anzu as she dragged Bakura over to the crime scene. Of, course, Bakura couldn't steer his way through the crowd so he was dragged over a dog, your mom, a car, a bush, your mom, a can, your mom, a cat, a truck, a trucker, a scholar, a fountain, some spears, your mom, and a dead squirrel.

At this point, Bakura was likely dead, but since he was one of the main characters of the story we couldn't kill him off. Oh well.

"Ugh, I think there's something sticking through my eternal organs," said Bakura as he felt a spear going through his stomach.

"No, it's probably indigestion," said Anzu.

At that moment, the pepto bismal people came in and started singing the commercial, "For nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea. NEW CHERRY PEPTO." Then a car hit them and they died, a most horrible gruesome death. But of course, this didn't affect Anzu, Bakura, and Yuugi.

Well, fast-forwarding a bit, they went inside the crime scene- A HOUSE. Yep, quite amazing.

"Hmmm," started Anzu, "There's no exctoplasmic goo, or blood, or gore." But, she was obviously missing the statue of the family pointing in terror of something.

Meanwhile Bakura was tripping over crap. "OKAY, I NEED A SEEING-EYE DOG," said Bakura. So he magically grabbed Yuugi and put a leash on him; something someone should've done a LONG time ago.

"MUAHAHAHAHHAHAA," interrupted a voice, "I SEE YOU HAVE FOUND THE STATUE OF THE FAMILY I PETRIFIED, AMAZING, RIGHT?"

"What statue?" asked Anzu.

"Wtf?" said Bakura.

"The one to your left," said the voice. So Anzu looked to her right.

"…No your OTHER left." So Anzu looked up at the ceiling.

"Ugh, DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?" screamed the voice. Then, from the deep dark mysterious shadows of the bathroom, something walked out..something scary…something gruesome…something ugly…and it was…A MOAT MONSTER WITH SIX ARMS AND FOUR EYES.

Wait no, it was Mai, with yellow snakes for hair. Sorry, my bad.

"There!" exclaimed Mai as she pointed to the statue of the family.

"Oh," said Anzu. At that moment, Bakura regained his sight, and the first thing her saw was…Mai.

"AHHHH WTFFFFFF! MY BRAIN AHHHH MY HAND EYE CORDINATION!" shouted Bakura as he lost his sight, AND hand eye coordination.

It just wasn't his day.

"What's his problem?" asked Mai.

"He doesn't know if he's a virgin," said Anzu.

"Oh I see, it can be very confusing," said Mai.

"Yeah well…now where was I?" asked Anzu.

"We were gonna do a cool battle scene!" shouted Mai.

"Oh yeah…" said Anzu who immediately got punched out by Mai 'cause she's slow.

"AHAAAHAHAHA, I WIN. I CANNOT BE BEAT!" shouted Mai, who started to dance, and caused howler monkeys all over the world to die.

Then, at that moment, a miracle happened. Now, this miracle didn't come very often, but when it did it was amazing.

Yuugi had a growth spurt.

At that second, Yuugi grew a centimeter, and randomly decided to beat up Mai, so he did.

So Mai was out cold.

Bakura couldn't control his actions and couldn't see.

Anzu looked dead.

Yuugi was a centimeter taller.

Great.

ANYWAYS, Kaiba came in a car randomly.

"Yo sons," he said, "Good job." Then the whole world exploded, and everyone died from Kaiba's dress. The only thing that remained was the license plate from Kaiba's car that read: 2sexy.

How wonderful.

BUT THAT WASN'T THE REAAAAAAL ENDING. Well, Kaiba DID have the 2sexy license plate, but the story didn't end like that.

The FBI and fashion police caught Kaiba for dressing in too revealing dresses and child labor.

Anzu became a janitor.

Bakura got lazer surgery for his eyes and became a petting zoo caretaker. But he ended up killing all of the animals.

And Yuugi went off to explore the world. But he ended up drowning.

Mmmmmyep.


End file.
